How to Deflect Negative Comments

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We have all experienced a time when we are interacting with someone and they begin telling us how terrible we are, or they beginning slinging vile words at us.  Whatever the reason, the result is draining on the recipient of this negative delivery. 

I learned this tip from a retired therapist and have shared it with family members in my support groups.  It is the “magic dome.”  When insults are being hurled at me, I try to remember to pull up the magic dome and stop those words from penetrating my space of well-being.  The dome allows me to take time to reflect on what is being hurled at me and assess if there is any validity in what is being said.  If I find there is no validity, then the insult hits the surface of the dome and falls straight to the ground.  If there is some validity, I need to own up to the fact and deal with it at an appropriate time.

For example:  Someone is telling me that I am selfish because I won’t give them $100.00.  I pull up my dome, reflect, find that I don’t have enough money in my account to spare $100.00, and I let this comment slide to the ground.  My next move might be to try to distance myself so that no further negative comments are delivered, or move the conversation to something neutral. 

The real work is in distancing myself emotionally from the anger that is being directed to me by the other person.  I can act like a sponge soaking up other people’s emotions, or I can work at not absorbing these negative emotions.  Distancing is like building a muscle.  The more you exercise, the bigger the muscle.

What is the result when I forget to pull up my dome?  I usually end up with an emotional hangover that can leave me bogged down and tired.  How many of you have experienced emotional hangovers?  It takes days for me to recover from those toxic words.

The beauty of the magic dome is that, it won’t cost you a dime.  Create your own dome.  Make it a superhero shield.

 

Written by Ramona Winner